Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
