Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
false alarm, still single
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
