omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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