After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just high enough for therapy.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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