I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Say something about gay babies.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
