so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
FUCK WHALES
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
