i think my mom watched the whole time
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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