i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
