You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
