My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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