I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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