If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
