i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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