you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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