The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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