So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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