Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
