I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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