just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
