My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
