don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
