the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
All the doctor said was why
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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