I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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