Girls should come with a carfax report
Sacagawea was the original milf.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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