if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize