careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
