The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
