I just cut my nipple shaving
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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