Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
