yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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