Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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