Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
