Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
