My boss' voice literally gives me gas
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
