I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
