So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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