i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
