Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
