I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
