what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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