is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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