Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
