I understand why you refuse to be sober now
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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