Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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