Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
