I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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