the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
