i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
