This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
