remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
