My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
