I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
