I looked at my own cervix.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
