Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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