brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
