respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
love makes seman taste better
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
