I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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