I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
