Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We're too hungover to prance.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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