Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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