Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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