hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
