If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
