it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
A+ Viking dick
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