I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
