It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
