You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
