Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
