plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
