oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
