i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
